Memories.

I hate to bitch. I also love to bitch.

I can't believe I presented myself in a more dignified, outgoing manner two years ago than I do now.

Is this regression?

Let's reminesce.

It always makes me feel better.

I found my old photobucket album. The one I normally use is for uploading html buttons, art, temporary images, etc.

This one is for memories.

Thanksgiving, two years ago I think. I remember the overall mood that pervaded part of the day, the "eating together and being thankful" part, was extremely awkward. Though only my mother's side of the family was in attendance...

ANYWAY. This is Jessica, Willy and I, enjoying the rare good weather. A good memory.

Out of all of the people I've met throughout my life, and all of the people I've befriended,

shit... Jessica was and still is the most important.

Fuck. No homo, we're related.

ACL 2007! First REAL Austin adventure.

The ride there was beautiful. Hill country here is so calming; if I had to stay in texas, that's where I'd be.

But everyone says that.

I showed up in a button up long sleeved shirt and jeans. Seriously, I never plan ahead.

Rushed to Ben Kweller's stage an hour before he began, because apparently people flock to these things like four hours before the show. I didn't know. Though, being an ass, I slinked my way as close to the stage as I could. It was awesome. Later on I picked up a shirt with an illustration of his famous nosebleed of '06. It didn't fit, so I pinned it to my wall.

Deidra and I playing with the Canon I got for christmas two years ago. She's so impatient, I couldn't get a good shot. Maybe it was because I was bullying her into taking pictures with me.

Normally I hate being in pictures on purpose, but I was excited.

For some reason, my dad has the camera in safekeeping.

Also I have the flu?

UPDATE

Holy fuck.

LOOK HERE

A year ago, today.

I was in the same place,

but less diluted.

I really need to pull myself up by my bootstraps.

So I'm using this again, because I'm supposed to write.

I stopped.

Let's do it the same way. With photographs.

I think this was some time in March. I was at my cigarette peak. For some reason I started to rapidly lose weight.

I went to the doctor thinking I had cancer... they told me it was no big deal.

It was the cigarettes.

So I went to college for four days before I left.

In the back of my mind, I knew what was going

to happen.

And it did.

So here I am.

Don't think I'm not dissapointed in myself.

Oh btw. I re-read my old posts, here are some answers:

Tinkles was put down last year, September 19.

My old counselor tossed me aside after she decided my diagnosis, which was incorrect.

Detlef is a big cat now, and I love him just as much as I did when he was a kitten.

I stopped thinking.

Res pls.

I don't know why I haven't used this. Maybe it's because I know people will see my shit on MySpace. This will be for more personal writings, or more pointless ones.

Nothing comes to mind now, except this:

S L O W L Y D O W N W A R D

Visit the library there.

Inspirational stuff.

I feel like people are getting tired of me.

I hurt.

Home?

There is no material, tangible, concrete home.

Home is everywhere, or nowhere, if you like.

Home is your mind.

You decide what it is.

For me, there is no worldly home. I'm sure it's nothing now.

Home is in my mind, your mind.

That isn't necessarily a good or bad thing,

it just depends on what sort of mind you have.

What's in it. What's there.

My mind home isn't very cozy right now.

Just a thought, a stupid revelation.

Number Four

has blessed me with insomnia and irritability.

I've been whining to everyone about my shit lately. I'm sorry. It's so hard to deal with, I'm fed up.

My dog is dying. She's nine, and she lived a good and happy life, I think maybe it's time for her to go.

And when she does, I'll be in ruins.

But I understand.